Checking for Tentacles
by Dasha Feather
Summary: “If I'm alien,” she whispered seductively, “I guess you'll have to check me out for tentacles now.”


**Title: **Checking forTentacles (1/1)**  
Author: **Dasha Feather  
**Characters:** Ten/Rose**  
Rating: ****Adult.****  
********Genre:****Smut, crack, fluff, PWP**  
**Spoilers:** None really. Set late series two.  
**Disclaimer: **_Doctor Who_ © BBC.  
**Summary:** _"If I'm alien," she whispered seductively, "I guess you'll have to check me out for tentacles now."_  
_**  
Author's Note: **_It's crack... and smut... and more crack.... and probably OOC, too... Sorry, so sorry.

II

"Doctor! Would you hurry up in there already?" Rose shouted at the door between them, hands on hips and brow set into a frown.

"Hold on a moment!" he yelled back, before muttering something that sounded distinctly to Rose like an annoyed, "women," under his breath.

Rose sighed. "I thought I'm supposed to be the one that takes _twelve aeons_ to change my clothes!"

"You do!"

There was a long pause.

"Doctor!" Rose yelled against the door for what felt like the fiftieth time.

"Alright, alright. I'm coming out, but..." there was a pause, and when his voice finally came, it carried something close to nerves, "you can't laugh, okay?"

This new development made Rose stop short, before she suddenly split into a wide cat-like grin. "Doctor," she said slowly, almost as if she were savouring the moment. "You're not actually telling me that you're _self concious_, are you? _You?_ Mr-aren't-I-just-the-cleverest-sexiest-thing-since... I dunno....sliced-bread-and-isn't-my-ego-ready-to-blow-up-at-any-second-it's-so-huge?"

There was a rather long pause before he answered, during which Rose imagined him pouting ridiculously at her through the closed door. "What sexy slices of bread have you met then?" he asked eventually, and went on before she she could answer, "And for your information I have never called myself that, however true it may or may not be."

"You don't have to," she replied. "Now get your '_smart'_ arse out here so we can go swimming on that planet sometime before I go grey."

"I told you – I will if you don't laugh."

"I won't laugh," she lied.

"Promise?" he said, and his tone reminded Rose of a small pouting boy.

"Why do I have to promise?"

"Because otherwise I don't think you'll mean it."

She sighed. "Fine. I promise. Happy?"

"Not yet, no." There was a pause, and she heard the sound of padding feet before the door slipped open and he stepped into the control room. Rose's jaw dropped to the floor. The Doctor's eyes widened.

"You're wearing a bikini," the Doctor said at the exact same moment Rose managed, "You're wearing trunks."

They then both promptly lifted their faces into identical twin smirks. "You're not laughing," the Doctor said.

Rose looked him up and down – from the hair on his legs, to the soft looking skin of his shoulders. She shook her head, wondering why her eyes continued to dip to his crotch. "Definitely not laughing."

"You, um..." he nodded to her red bikini, blushing slightly when he realised he was staring at her breasts a little more acutely than usual. "I mean what you're wearing is... I mean, you're, you..."

Rose's eyebrows lifted. "Would be better in a bin bag?"

His head shook back and forth about ten times before he answered. "Nope. No. I think this... does the trick." His gaze turned smouldering and he took a step closer. "Rose," he said seriously, his hands touching of her stomach. "I think I'm going to kiss you now. Is that okay?"

"I'd be concerned if it wasn't," she said after the initial shock, and pressed her lips to his before he even got the chance. The kiss lasted as long as it could without either of them needing any air, which surprised them both by being a rather long time.

The Doctor's hands moved to her buttocks, pulling her towards him, their stomachs touching. "Remind me why we've never done this before," he said, forehead pressing against hers, breath tickling her cheek and smelling like bananas.

"Dunno," she admitted. "Guess I always you were a bit..." She gestured his body. "You know."

He frowned, looking a little worried. "No, I don't know."

"Well, first I thought maybe you were asexual... then I was..." She hesitated, teeth gnawing her bottom lip. Usually, the Doctor might have found it adorable. Today, he found it worrying.

"What?"

"Well... I was worried you might have tentacles or something."

He stared at her with his mouth wide open for about seventeen seconds. "Tentacles?" he finally spurted, aghast. Regaining some of his composure, he swallowed deeply, before saying quietly, "I do _not_ have tentacles."

"Oh, good," said Rose clearly. "Although..." she grinned wickedly all of a sudden, and her hands slipped from his waist to the top of his groin. "Wouldn't hurt to check," she told him surely, before her hand slipped into his trunks. "Oh," she said slyly. "It's _not_ just a huge ego you have, is it?"

"Oh... oh!" the Doctor gulped, and nodded, breathing through his nose as her fist squeezed. "You know," he said, slightly breathless, "I can't understand how you could... could possibly – ah! Ohh – possibly think I have any tentacles down there."

"You're alien," Rose reminded him.

"So are you," he murmured.

Much to his disappointment, Rose decided then to lift her hand out of his trucks. "No tentacles in there," she told him with a coy smile. Then she leaned closer to him, pressing her lips to his ear, her tongue peeking out to touch the lobe for a moment. "If I'm alien," she whispered seductively, "I guess you'll have to check me out for tentacles now."

The Doctor grinned widely, and his hand lowered inside her bikini pants. "So you thought I was asexual?" he asked.

"Clearly I was wrong. Unless you've just been watching.... Oh! _There!_...watching humans have sex throughout most of your nine-hundred-plus years." Her eyes flickered shut briefly.

"Hmm, of course Rose, all of those times those pretty boys of yours came aboard – Mickey, Jack, Adam – I was just waiting for you to have sex with them so I could watch." His tone was – thankfully, she thought – laced with sarcasm.

"Is your," she swallowed, gasped, started again, "Is your idea of seduction really talking about sex with Mickey, Jack and Adam? 'Cause I gotta tell you Doctor – not really working on me."

"No, nor me," the Doctor said, a smile bridging his mouth. "Anyway, I think after this, you won't be needing any pretty boys."

Rose hooked her arms around his neck, sucking in a harsh breath as the Doctor's fingers pushed deeper. "_You're_ my pretty boy now," she whispered breathlessly.

"You saying I wasn't pretty before?" he chuckled.

Rose thought about that for a moment as she regained the breath to talk. "Yeah," she gasped, "'Course. Only in a more grown-up, manly, look at my muscles kinda way."

"I don't have muscles now?"

Rose's hands moved down to his crotch again. "I can think of one."

"That's not a muscle, Rose," he said quietly, smirking. His hand then came out, wet, from her bikini bottoms. "No tentacles in there."

"Huh?" Rose stared unintelligibly.

The Doctor chuckled wonderfully. "I was checking, remember. And I could find nothing tentacle like."

"Oh. Good," she said, as disappointed as the Doctor that the exploration had ended. "Well, if neither of us have any extra tentacles, and everything is okay to go in the right place, then I think I'm gonna kiss you again, banana breath." She grinned, and met his lips with his.

Her hands laced around his body, pulling him closer, tongue licking the curve of his jaw. He pushed her against the console, their bodies further together, before they were promptly interrupted by a cry from Rose. "Um, Doctor!" Her eyes opened in surprise. "Did you grow another one?"

The Doctor frowned. "Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"That's the dematerialisation lever."


End file.
